Dear Elim Grace,

Alissa and I have been parents for 24 years. We have children ranging from 23 to 2 1/2 years old. Our oldest is married with our first grandchild. As part of those 24 years, we have been foster parents for 10 plus years. We have adopted one and will soon adopt our second. Alissa started babysitting at a young age, which gives her nearly 40 years of experience with children. All that being said, parenting is hard! There are significant challenges to be navigated.

Here is the first of six of those challenges.

CHALLENGE #1 – Supporting your children in making their own decisions

I (Jonathan) tend towards parenting with quite a bit of freedom. I’ll take my 2 1/2 year old to Wright’s Landing (our marina) and let him get right up to the edge of the docks. Even so, this is not ever without my guidance or support.

Recently, my son Aidan, who is in college, was approaching a pretty big decision. We are thankful that he still texts us both to keep us in the loop and to ask for advice. Regarding this decision, we both stated we would support him. I further said, “I’ll support whatever you decide. Decide with counsel and you’ll get wisdom. Decide with prayer and you’ll get peace (a wholeness, cohesiveness). Decide with patience and you’ll get confidence.”

The NAVIGATING PRINCIPLE for this challenge is: You get out of your decisions what you put into them.

You reap what you sow. So if you put in (sow) no counsel, you’ll get (reap) foolishness (the lack of wisdom). If you put in no prayer, you’ll get confusion (the lack of peace, fragmentation). If you put in no patience, you’ll get instability (the lack of confidence, shaky ground, no solid steps). As they grow and mature, teach your children to put in the right things, then support them as they make their own decisions.

In general, the bigger the decision, the bigger their personal investment. You want to drive your own car (a big decision!), then be willing to put in a significant amount of your own money. You want us to make a big purchase, then be ready to put in a reasonable amount of your work. You want to be in a relationship, then be willing to put in your upfront honesty. (I don’t want to be finding out or guessing where you went.) You want a night out with friends, then be sure to keep your word and be home on time. (I never gave my older children a curfew. I asked them what time they would be home and then expected them to keep their word.)

Dear Parent, teaching your children to make good decisions is hard. Teaching your children to make hard decisions is good. It is well worth the investment of your time.

Pastor Jonathan