Foster Care Myth #1 – “I could never do foster care because I could never give the child back.”

While this is one difficult part of foster care, it’s not impossible with the right perspective:

1) For a birth family to receive their child/children back, they must meet certain standards, complete many different milestones, and finish a variety of trainings. This should give you peace of mind. They may never be the “perfect” parent, but the goal isn’t to make them perfect. It’s to help them become better parents and a more stable family unit. You having their kids has helped them towards that. This is a happy day for these families! Rejoice with them, pray for them! Wouldn’t we all be disqualified if the goal was perfect parenting?

2) When possible, building a relationship with your foster child and the birth family may give you the opportunity to remain a resource for the family long after the child has left your home. This could be a key component to the success of the reunion, if they know they have someone in their corner. Have you ever tried to do something when you feel the entire world is against you? Support is critical.

3) Under perfect circumstances it’s difficult to part ways with someone you love. But understanding that your love and investment may only be for a short season is key. Sometimes you change someone’s life through adoption. But more often than not you make change possible by being a beacon of hope. Supporting a child through one of the most difficult times in their life (even children of the most abusive parents don’t want to be away from their parents) is a precious thing. If we understand our role as a temporary home, it’s “easier” to part ways. We send them back to their home with confidence that they carry with them all the tools we gave them, and all the precious, happy memories we made. It’s about HOPE!

4) It’s hard, but you can do it! It’s HARD to say goodbye. You will cry. You will be hit by varying waves of grief at different times, sometimes even years later. After working to find a new normal when the placement starts, you will again need to find a new normal when it ends and the child/children leave. Like all other forms of grief, it’s a process and you work through it, allowing the waves to come as they may. One day though, you will reach the other side of it, you’ll take a deep breathe and realize it’s all going to be okay. Your heart is forever changed by each placement. There is something to be gleaned from each child. And while you start foster care to help others, you start to realize the one most changed in the process is you. 

5) It does hurt, but it isn’t more than you can bear. The alternative to a quality, loving, and stable foster home is a “bad” foster home and/or residential or institutional living. Choosing foster care isn’t about you; it’s about the child/children and family you are serving. I don’t know many people that would look at a child and say, “I can’t love you because it would hurt me.” I’ve seen the opposite, which is why I will never stop looking for quality foster homes among those I know and love.